“I am chosen, not forsaken
I am who You say I am
You are for me, not against me
I am who You say I am”
— Who You Say I Am, Hillsong Worship
I don’t know about you, but I’m exhausted by the endless stream of messages bombarding women from every direction. Social media, society, culture, corporations, the government, Hollywood—even the pulpits of our churches—seem to have something to say about what a woman should or shouldn’t be.
We are told to embrace our feminine energy but not to be too loud or opinionated. We are told to be quiet in church yet also preach; aspire to marriage, motherhood, and homemaking while also being encouraged to be independent, ambitious “girl bosses” who focus on themselves and God.
We are told to be thin, stay fit, and maintain a proper skincare and self-care routine. Start a business, get a degree, land a job, raise great kids, cook, clean, and be the perfect, supportive wife. Be beautiful, but also soft, gentle, and submissive. Work hard—but maybe don’t work at all. Find a provider husband, but don’t be a gold digger. Be independent, but not too independent because you’ll scare men away.
In all this madness, I find myself wanting to silence these voices, sit at Jesus’ feet, and ask Him, “Lord, who do You say I am?”
The Proverbs 31 Woman: A Standard or a Misunderstanding?
When we think of biblical womanhood, Proverbs 31 often comes to mind:
“She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.” Proverbs 31:25-26.
The Proverbs 31 woman is frequently upheld as the epitome of godly womanhood—a wife, mother, and businesswoman respected by her community. She seems perfect in every way. While striving to embody these qualities is a great goal, we often forget about the other incredible women of the Bible who exemplified godly womanhood in unique ways.
Esther, Deborah, Ruth, Mary (the mother of Jesus), Junia, and Damaris—these women didn’t all fit into a singular mold, yet each played a crucial role in advancing God’s kingdom.
Why, then, do we sometimes reduce biblical womanhood to one standard? Worse, why does the church occasionally frame strength as an undesirable, “masculine” quality tied to hyper-independence or feminism? Godly feminine strength is a gift—one that enables women to nurture life, build homes, launch businesses, govern nations, and create beauty in the world through art and science.
While feminism has introduced challenges to family structures, and physical and mental health, it has created opportunities for women to protect themselves, hold dangerous men accountable, and thrive independently without depending on the abuser. The key is to stay grounded in theologically sound biblical truth and spend consistent time with God. You have to know your Heavenly Father personally. When you do, the outside noise won’t bother you because the voice of your Father will be so much louder.
Modern Womanhood: The Struggle Is Real
For modern women—especially those in the West—life is demanding. Many of us have no choice but to be strong because life is expensive. If a woman desires marriage but doesn’t want to work outside the home, significant sacrifices must be made—often requiring her partner to earn substantially more. Let’s be honest: in today’s economy, that’s not easy. It’s no wonder many young men hesitate to marry due to financial pressures. Some get married and split the cost of living with their spouse. To support a traditional marriage requires sacrifice that not a lot of Christians are willing to make.
Being a Christian woman in today’s world can feel overwhelming. Long work hours and high-pressure environments take a toll on our physical and emotional health. Women are not designed to function like men in every way, no matter what hyper-feminism suggests.
And then there’s the issue of dating in the church—a topic that could fill volumes. Single women are often told that being independent or self-sufficient makes them “too masculine” and less desirable for marriage. But how are women supposed to embrace their “feminine energy” when survival demands that they lean into their “masculine energy”? It’s a vicious cycle.
Instead of competing with or suppressing women, men should be encouraged to grow in confidence, embracing their God-given roles without feeling threatened by successful women. A godly, secure man provides care, protection, and love, enabling a woman to naturally lean into her feminine energy.
Is Marriage the Highest Calling?
The church often portrays marriage as the ultimate goal for women. While bringing children into the world and raising them well is one of life’s greatest callings, it is not the highest calling. If it were, the Apostle Paul wouldn’t have written:
“To the unmarried and the widows, I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” (1 Corinthians 7:8-9)
Procreation and dominion over the earth are commands from God, but they must be approached with wisdom, prayer and lot of emotional intelligence. Raising the next generation is a responsibility that requires careful preparation, lest we continue to create a generation that feels purposeless, godless, and broken.
Let’s not deny the fact that society’s treatment of mothers often leaves much to be desired. Women who choose to stay home with their children frequently feel invisible or undervalued. Postpartum depression, feelings of isolation, and the loss of individual identity are real struggles that we rarely discuss openly.
On the other hand, some women find deep fulfillment and purpose in motherhood, thriving in ways they never imagined. Both experiences are valid and deserve acknowledgment.
The Goal Is Always Jesus
At the end of the day, our ultimate goal should always be Jesus—not societal expectations or cultural ideals of womanhood.
Whether you’re working a 9-to-5, starting your own business, raising children, staying single, or choosing marriage without kids—invite God into every part of it. Your purpose is to be loved by Him. He created you for Himself, and apart from that identity, life will only bring frustration and emptiness.
Trust Him. Whatever path He leads you on is perfect because He is a Father whose love for His daughters is infinite.
Fariza 