No matter which religious tradition you explore, the role of women sits at the center of debate. It’s as if every worldview must define—often limit—what a woman is allowed to be. I grew up in a Muslim country where, according to Islamic teachings, women were considered second-class citizens. Their rights were confined within the family structure. Their abuse, while visible, was often concealed behind the closed doors of an unsafe home.
“It’s a family matter.” I heard this phrase often growing up. “Go and deal with it with your husband and parents.” That was the default response. The plight of Muslim women is not a foreign concept to me. It’s a lived experience.
I often ponder this question: Why do so many religions struggle with allowing women to be fully themselves?
Every major tradition seems to have something to say about what women should be—how they ought to live, dress, speak, and carry themselves. These expectations rarely arise from a place of freedom or dignity. Coming from a Muslim background and now living as a practicing Christian, I’ve experienced the framing of womanhood in both faiths. And I continue to ask:
Why do we go after the physically weaker one?
What is it about her empowerment that feels so threatening?
We want to create women in our image.
She must cook, clean, bear children, and offer sex—and offer it often.
Yet she must also be independent, have her own life, and not be too preoccupied with the man.
She must not desire him too much, lest he lose interest. She lives to be chosen by a man, otherwise, she has little worth in society.
I’ve often heard advice like:
“To make a relationship last, make sure your husband loves you more than you love him.”
“Don’t be too clingy. Let him chase you.”
“Don’t take care of him too much—don’t be his mother.”
This type of advice tells women to suppress their God-given aspiration for love, affection, nurturing, and security. Even the desire to care for someone through acts like cooking or serving is now seen as weakness. And yet, men continue to demand that to sustain the relationship. How many men have cheated on their “perfect” wives with women who didn’t even care whether they lived or died? If men desire a partner rather than a housewife, then why aren’t we teaching women to prioritize their own needs?
Men, we’re told, want a muse.
She must love herself more than him.
She takes care of herself because it brings her joy.
She lives for her dreams, not his.
She is near, but out of reach—an inspiration, not a partner.
She doesn’t nag. She listens.
To be chosen, she’s told to silence her God-given desire to love and be loved. But women aren’t born selfish. From a young age, she is taught to give—and often, that giving costs her more than it rewards. God made her a life-giver. A nurturer. But unless she understands that God is the center of her universe, her giving will drain her. Only when Jesus becomes her source of validation can she hold the balance between loving others and being loved, between sacrifice and self-worth.
Why must womanhood always be defined by others—by society, religion, or tradition?
Women are often reduced to social status symbols. They make men look good. They’re often labeled as helpers. Women carry the emotional, domestic, and physical burden of raising children and managing households while men pursue their ambitions. It is exhausting.
As a follower of Christ, I do believe in the biblical structure of the family, but only when both men and women know who they are in Christ. Having spent time in conservative Christian spaces, I’ve observed the pendulum swing far to the right over the last two decades. In response to progressive movements, many conservatives have doubled down on “traditional values,” emphasizing that a family is made of a biological man and woman, and that children are a blessing, not an inconvenience. A woman should stay home and raise the children, while the man works.
As human beings, we often swing from one extreme to another.
In these conservative spaces, marriage and children have been elevated as the highest good. And while I believe a Christ-centered family, led by a father who reflects Jesus, is a beautiful thing, marriage and children are not the highest form of worship. Sometimes they can even become distractions from the Lord.
If marriage were the ultimate calling for every believer, Paul wouldn’t have written in 1 Corinthians 7 that singleness is better. Granted, very few Christians have the gift of singleness, and yes—it’s not good for man to be alone. But our problem is that we often make idols out of good things. And like all idols, once worshiped and attained, they still don’t satisfy.
Marriage in Christianity
As Christians we need to stop romanticize marriage. Christian married couples need to tell the truth about it. There’s a reason why divorce rates are over 50%. The rates are lower in a Christian household because many women are pressured to stay, even in abusive situations or in case of infidelity even thought divorce is permissible in that case. Many Christian women stay in toxic, unfaithful, and abusive marriages—not just because of theology, but because of cultural expectations, bad church advice, and lack of financial independence.
So they stay. Miserable. Bitter. Alone.
God created both men and women in His image, then both hold equal value before Him. He gave each gender specific roles—not to dominate, but to complement one another. God’s design is perfect. God made men to protect and cherish the ones who bring life into the world. Pregnancy, childbirth, and motherhood are vulnerable roles. Women deserve to be protected and treated with gentleness, respect and dignity.
The devil doesn’t discriminate in his hatred for humanity, but he does target women in unique ways, because women carry something deeply sacred. Women nurture life, bring wisdom, emotional intelligence, order, and peace into the world.
God created women in His image so that the world would experience the feminine and compassionate side of the Divine. We often attribute masculine traits to God—and forget that He created woman, too, to reflect Himself. Jesus was a man. But God the Father and the Holy Spirit have no gender. God possesses both masculine and feminine qualities. And in both man and woman, He reveals His true nature.
Marriage in Islam
In a Muslim society, the suppression of women comes in many forms. The Hadith—a collection of traditions and sayings attributed to the Prophet Muhammad—lists numerous discriminatory and unsafe guidelines concerning a woman’s role in marriage and society. The controversial Qur’an verse An-Nisa 4:34, which appears to permit a husband to strike his wife, has long been debated. Most Islamic scholars conclude that this “beating” is meant to be symbolic or “gentle.” But let’s be clear: physical harm—gentle or not—should never be permissible. Growing up in a Muslim country, I witnessed many instances of domestic abuse. None of them were gentle.
The suppression of women in the Muslim world could fill volumes. The plight of a Muslim woman is not just a theory—it is a lived experience. We see it in the news. We read about it. But unless you’ve lived it, you’ll never fully understand it. No matter how secular the society, a woman’s experience of Islam is profoundly different from a man’s. Men and women experience Islam differently.
Islam was made to please men, not women.
Devout Muslim women, in submission to Allah, must endure things contrary to their God-given nature: polygamy, barriers to initiating divorce, loss of custody rights, limitations on dress, and suppression of personal expression—all under the norms created by men and their society.
And yet, some women thrive in Muslim societies. But more often, I’ve seen women suffer silently.
Why are Women Perceived at a Threat?
There must be something so powerful about the way God created women. Men do not need to compete with women for their spotlight in this world. A man’s worth isn’t diminished by a woman’s success, and a woman won’t abandon her feminine essence when she feels truly loved, safe, and protected. God has given both men and women unique roles to advance His kingdom here on earth. We do not need to compete with each other. Instead of suppressing our identity, women must remember and return to their original design. We need to seek approval from only one place—not men, not society, but from God. Eve was created for Adam to be a helper, equal co-laborer to subdue the earth. Genesis 1:28 . Both Adam and Eve were created for God.
For any woman reading this, remember: you are created in the image of the Most High. You are not a second-class citizen, nor is your identity or worth defined by your marital status. You are uniquely and intricately designed to be in relationship with the Creator of the world. Jesus loves you more than you can imagine or fathom.
Meditate on that.
“Show her that she does not need to be liked by everyone. Tell her that if someone does not like her, there will be someone else who will. Teach her that she is not merely an object to be liked or disliked; she is also a subject who can like or dislike.”
— Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
Fariza 